just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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