We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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