She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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