Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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