Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
