So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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