just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
