I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Congratulations! We have a period
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