Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
