There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
