The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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