Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
