my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
