Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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