Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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