I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize