She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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