u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
