What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
