I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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