I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
