just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
