I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
