Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
