I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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