Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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