She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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