I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
