You're so nebulous sometimes
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
should my penis look like a turkey
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
