The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
