If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
