oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
operation have a gay friend backfired
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
