when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
