woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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