The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
