It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
