I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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