By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
