those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
