Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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