Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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