she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're like the curious george of whores
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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