Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
