A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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