come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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