This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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