I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize