My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
