fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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