I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
