well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize