he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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