we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
