I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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