It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
