I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Acid is not a monday night drug
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
