I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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