My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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