The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize