if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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