btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
