How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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